A codependent person is someone who is overly reliant or dependent on another person. They often lack a sense of self-worth, identity, and autonomy and can go to great lengths to please or “help” others in order to fill this void in their life.
A codependent person can be difficult to spot as they often present themselves as having it all together. They will often be overly solicitous, people-pleasing, and controlling. They may have difficulty saying no to requests for help, even when it is too disruptive to their own life, instead feeling obligated to prioritize the needs of others.
Codependents can be averse to risk-taking and may suffer from an unhealthy form of perfectionism, wanting to have complete control over their own lives and that of others. They also have difficulty expressing their feelings and needs.
They tend to be ambivalent in their relationships, which means they can switch quickly between over-involvement and complete detachment. They may fear abandonment and may ignore red flags in relationships that should set off warning bells.
As codependency is rooted in a dysfunctional upbringing or traumatic relationship, those who are codependent also tend to have a negative self-image and can be prone to comparison thinking, in which they always feel they lack when compared to others.
What are 10 characteristics of a codependent person?
1. Excessive need for approval: Codependent individuals are typically very insecure in the relationships they form and need constant reassurance and validation from those around them.
2. Difficulty expressing feelings: Codependent people often struggle to express their emotions, particularly when it comes to relationships, and they tend to bottle up their feelings instead.
3. Extreme selflessness: Codependent individuals tend to sacrifice their own needs and desires in order to please others, often at their own expense and to their own detriment.
4. Low self-esteem: Codependents usually have a very poor opinion of themselves, and they often view themselves as ‘less than’ or inferior to those around them.
5. Fear of abandonment: Codependents have a deep-seated fear of being abandoned or rejected by those they care about, so they may go to great lengths to keep others from ‘leaving’ them.
6. Unhealthy coping mechanisms: Codependents may turn to substances, food, or other forms of escapism or distraction (like overworking themselves) in order to ‘numb out’ when emotions become too strong.
7. Difficulty making decisions: Codependent individuals may find it difficult to make decisions for themselves, instead relying on other people’s opinions to inform their choices.
8. Obsessive thoughts: Codependents may obsess over pleasing others or they may think excessively about the behaviors or feelings of their partner or friends.
9. Problematic communication: Codependent individuals often struggle to communicate their feelings and needs, and they may find it hard to simply make themselves heard.
10. Poor boundaries: Codependent individuals tend to have very ‘fuzzy’ boundaries when it comes to relationships, and they may sacrifice their own values and beliefs in order to keep people in their life.
What are the five core symptoms of codependency?
The five core symptoms of codependency are:
1. Low self-esteem: Codependents often struggle with feeling good about themselves and see themselves as inadequate and flawed. This can lead to feelings of worthlessness, guilt, and shame.
2. Poor boundaries: Codependents tend to have difficulty setting healthy limits in relationships. They often cover up their feelings, fail to recognize their needs, or become overly responsible for the feelings, behaviors, and actions of other people.
3. Caretaking: This is a behavior many codependents adopt in order to accommodate and please others. It can be a way to avoid facing their own emotions, fears, and struggles.
4. People-pleasing: Codependents often try to do what others expect of them in order to garner love and acceptance from others. This behavior can cause them to become overly compliant and give up their own needs and identity.
5. Control: This is an issue for many codependents as they fear being controlled by others and form strategies to take control to feel safe. This can manifest as overly controlling behaviors like excessive criticism, rigidity and, manipulation of their surroundings and the people in it.
How do you tell if someone is codependent on you?
The first step in determining if someone is codependent on you is to look for signs of sustaining a parasitic relationship, meaning that the one-sided relationship relies heavily on the other person for emotional and sometimes financial support.
Some common parameters of codependency include excessive neediness, insecurity, and difficulty expressing one’s own needs and desires.
Other aspects of codependency include frequently bending over backwards to please another person while completely neglecting your own needs and a lack of clear boundaries that allows someone else to take advantage of you.
An unhealthy codependent dynamic often happens in one-sided and unbalanced relationships where the codependent person gives too much and the other person takes too much, creating an imbalance of power in the relationship.
It can also be helpful to pay attention to how well the codependent person carries out basic tasks and fulfills their responsibilities. If the person is struggling or is unable to complete tasks without your help and support, it could be a sign of codependency.
Other warning signs include a demand for constant attention and validation, a fear of abandonment, and a need to constantly please the other person in order to maintain the relationship.
What is an example of codependent behavior?
Codependent behavior is a type of dysfunctional relationship pattern in which an individual relies on another person to meet all of their emotional needs, while disregarding the other’s needs. This can manifest in a number of ways, such as enabling another person’s drug or alcohol use or bad behavior, or continually rescuing someone who insists on making bad decisions.
An example of codependent behavior is when an individual feels the need to constantly check in on their partner, whether they are spending time with friends or are in the other room, due to a fear of abandonment or a deep need to control the relationship.
This type of behavior can be overly intrusive and can limit the other individual’s freedom at the cost of their own emotional security. Codependent behavior often leads to feelings of resentment, as well as anxiety, low self-esteem, and difficulty in setting proper boundaries.
If this behavior is left unchecked, it can further damage the relationship, making it more difficult for either partner to feel truly heard and respected.
What triggers codependency?
Codependency can be triggered by a number of different factors, both psychological and environmental. In terms of psychological factors, childhood experiences often play a role. For example, growing up in an emotionally neglectful or emotionally abusive family might lead to a person relying on unhealthy relationships as an adult out of a need for validation and control.
Additionally, experiencing trauma or attending to the needs of an unhealthy family member, such as a parent with an addiction, can contribute to an individual developing dysfunctional relationship patterns.
Environmental and societal pressures can also be triggers for codependency. Being immersed in a culture that glorifies co-dependence or a romantic ideal that puts a relationship on an equal but separate footing from the individual can create a false sense of security and ultimately lead to an unhealthy attachment.
Furthermore, people facing economic hardship can become overly dependent on certain relationships for survival. In these situations, an individual can become dependent on a partner or authority figure for financial, material, or emotional support, resulting in codependency.
Who are codependents attracted to?
Codependents are people who are in relationships characterized by aggressive dependency and an inability to rely on their own strengths. In essence, codependents don’t have a strong sense of their own identities, so in their relationships, they often look for someone to define who they are and to provide them with a sense of purpose.
As a result, codependents are often attracted to people who exude an aura of strength, who appear confident, and who need taking care of.
In essence, codependents are attracted to people who are “stronger” than they are. They seek out relationships in which they take the “weak” role, not the strong role. They like the idea of being in a relationship in which they can be the protector, the caregiver, and the supporter for someone more vulnerable than themselves.
The problem, however, is that codependents base their relationships on external qualities such as power and control, not on underlying values, beliefs, and interests. As a result, codependent relationships tend to be fragile and unfulfilling.
Therefore, it’s important for codependents to adopt healthier behaviors, such as learning to rely on their own strengths, setting boundaries, and communicating their needs. Doing so can help them find more fulfilling and healthier relationships.
What is high functioning codependent?
High-functioning codependent refers to individuals who struggle with codependency yet are still able to maintain successful relationships and appear to be functioning at a high level. High-functioning codependents usually exhibit difficulty forming boundaries within relationships and often put their own needs and desires on the back burner.
As a result, high-functioning codependents often struggle with anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
When looking for signs of high-functioning codependency, some of the warning signs could include: taking responsibility for others’ feelings and behaviors, placing the other person’s needs before their own, an inability to say no, feeling empty and aiming to fill the emptiness through a relationship, fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting, and difficulty setting boundaries.
In extreme cases, a high-functioning codependent may experience obsessive-compulsive behavior or extreme attempts at control and manipulation of the person they are involved with.
By recognizing the symptoms of high-functioning codependency and seeking help, individuals can work towards a more balanced and meaningful relationships with themselves and others. Counseling can help to identify the underlying causes of codependency, as well as equip individuals to set healthy boundaries in their lives.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) has also been found to be an effective means for learning to manage codependent behaviors and recognizing what is within someone’s power to change and control. Lastly, engaging in self-care can be an important aspect of recovery, allowing individuals to create space for themselves and learn to be content with solitude.
How do you break codependency?
Breaking codependency requires a significant shift in behavior, attitude and mindset. The first step is to recognize that you are in a codependent relationship and to understand what codependency is.
It is important to acknowledge that codependency involves an unhealthy mindset and behavior that is based on control, fear, and attachment rather than respect and interdependence.
The next step in breaking codependency is to recognize that it is essential to disconnect from external validation. Validation should come from within and start by understanding your personal needs and wants and learning to meet them without relying on another person.
This can be done through self-awareness, such as journaling, therapy and building a support system with like-minded people.
Another important step is to learn to set appropriate boundaries with the other person. This means learning to recognize and state your needs, wants and limits without apology or guilt. Setting boundaries and sticking to them, even when the other person does not follow them, helps to break the unhealthy patterns in the codependent relationship and create healthier, more respectful boundaries.
Finally, it is important to focus on yourself and your own needs. This means being proactive in taking care of your own mental and physical health, instead of relying on others to do it for you. This can involve activities such as exercising, practicing mindfulness, eating well, and engaging in activities that bring joy and fulfillment into your life.
With enough time and commitment, you can start to develop healthier, more interdependent relationships that are based on respect and mutual reciprocity.
What mental illness causes codependency?
Codependency is not a mental illness in and of itself, but it is often linked to other mental health issues that can cause it, such as depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, or substance abuse.
Mental health professionals may also identify a pervasive pattern of codependent personality disorder (CPD), which is characterized by an excessive need to be taken care of, a fear of being abandoned, a need to control the behavior of others, and a lack of healthy boundaries.
Individuals with CPD might form relationships based on their need to be needed, take on roles that put them at a disadvantage, and avoid feeling helpless. They also may exhibit a preoccupation with fantasy relationships that they can control, an inability to be alone, manipulative behavior, and difficulty being honest with themselves and others.
If codependency is related to an underlying mental illness, treating the mental illness can help to reduce the codependency. Therefore, it is essential to seek help from a mental health professional to appropriately assess and diagnose any underlying mental health issues.
Treatment may include individual and/or family counseling, cognitive-behavioral therapy, and/or medication.
What attachment style do codependents have?
Codependents generally have an anxious attachment style. This means that they feel that their relationships are unstable and unpredictable and that they lack a secure base from which to explore the world.
They feel a strong need to control their environment and be in control of their relationships in order to feel safe. They may demonstrate clingy behavior, such as being overly dependent on their partner for emotional and physical support.
They may also be overly giving in relationships, feeling responsible for the other person’s mood or well-being, and feel empty or lost when not taking care of someone. They may have difficulty setting boundaries, saying no, and may have trouble recognizing and respecting their own needs.